How Parents Can Support Their Neurodivergent College Student Through Academic Burnout — Without Burning Out Themselves!
How Parents Can Support Their Neurodivergent College Student Through Academic Burnout — Without Burning Out Themselves!
By Kate Pillette, Ed. S., MA, NCSP
Academic Life Coach at Pillette Academic Life Coaching (https://www.katepillette.com)
Introduction
For many young adults, college burnout isn’t just about academics; it’s about learning to balance school work with independent living, extracurriculars, jobs or internships, hobbies, and a social life! As an academic life coach, I often see this type of burnout in neurodivergent students who are overwhelmed or disconnected from the college experience. They feel like they are going through the motions, trying to keep up with an endless to-do list and never able to truly enjoy their college experience.
Parents may be the first to notice if a college student is burning out. The good news is that you can play a vital role in helping your young adult recognize what is happening, and help them to build a recovery plan that works for their neurodivergent brain. But, it is equally important that you don’t burn out in the process of helping your student - you need boundaries and strategies that will allow you to serve as a source of support for the student over the long term!
1. Recognize the Signs of Burnout—In Them and in You
For students, burnout may show up as skipping classes, missing deadlines, ignoring texts, missing meals, or oversleeping.
For parents, it might mean:
Draining your energy with late-night check-ins or constant reminders.
Putting your own well-being on hold until your student “catches up”
Feeling the need to be constantly available to your student
Closely monitoring their location, email, student portal, etc.
Awareness is key: if you notice signs of burnout in yourself, your student is probably experiencing burnout as well. Be mindful that you may be adding to your student’s stress by being hypervigilant and monitoring their performance.
2. Shift From Problem-Solver to Guide
In college, you can’t (and shouldn’t) step in to solve academic problems directly. In fact, neurodivergent students benefit from procedural learning - they need repeated opportunities to practice a skill before they become independent.
Instead of doing things for your student, focus on modeling and guiding:
Ask, don’t instruct. “What’s your next step?” instead of “You should email your professor.” “Who can help you with that?” instead of “You need to schedule a meeting with the writing center.” Try to guide them to campus-based supports and resources.
Normalize setbacks. Share a time you missed a deadline, had to redo something, or take something off your plate. Explain your decision process and how you recovered.
Support reflection. When they struggle, encourage them to think through what went wrong and what they might try differently next time. When they succeed, ask them what went right and how they can repeat that in the future!
This shift empowers your student to take ownership while still knowing you’re on their team!
3. Let Them Experience Meaningful Struggles
Struggle is how students learn. Rescuing them from every setback denies them the chance to build resilience, which makes burnout less likely in the future. Allow your student to:
Learn natural consequences, like missing a meeting because you didn’t remind them. When they have to go through the process of rescheduling and possibly paying a late fee, they are more likely to use a calendar next time.
Build coping strategies rather than avoiding discomfort. If they text you upset about a recent grade, don’t call them immediately. Give them a chance to turn to friends, or themselves, to process their emotions, calm down, and problem-solve. You can call them back in a few hours once they’ve had a chance to try to manage their feelings independently.
Own when they have made a mistake. Try not to react too strongly if they fail a test, miss a major deadline, or need to drop a class. These are very common occurrences in college that can feel like disasters to students. Avoid shaming them by focusing on what they should have done differently; instead, help them problem-solve forward. Do they need to meet with their professor or advisor? Go to the tutoring center? Consider changing their major to a better fit for their natural talents?
Your role isn’t to shield them from every bump, but to provide a safety net while they climb.
4. Model Healthy Balance Yourself
If you ignore your own needs while supporting your student, they’ll learn that burnout is a necessary byproduct of success. Show them something different:
Set limits on your availability. For many families, it helps to have a designated weekly call where you discuss academic progress. (You may talk about other things during the week, but save academics for Sunday afternoons only). It’s also okay to tell your student you aren’t available after midnight unless there is a true emergency (which doesn’t include Facetiming them while they write a paper the night before it’s due).
Prioritize hobbies, personal interests, and fun! When you chat with your student, first ask them about a highlight of their week, something they are looking forward to, or something new they tried. Share your own positive highlights as well, and model how important it is to activities that recharge your energy.
Share your own hacks and shortcuts that make your life easier! Do you have a favorite digital productivity tool? Does your daily walk at lunch change your whole mood? Maybe you’ve found that not checking email after 8 pm has helped you sleep better. Mentioning these strategies to your student, if they aren’t directly relevant, helps to model what burnout prevention looks like.
By modeling balance, you teach your student that rest, boundaries, and recovery are essential components of what it means to succeed.
5. Encourage Extra Support When Needed
If your student’s burnout leads to chronic shutdown or severe academic struggles, outside support can help. Tutors, therapists, and academic coaches can share the load while preserving your role as parent—not project manager. College is an exciting time for you to get to know and enjoy your child as an young adult.
Conclusion
College students need to face challenges in order to grow—but they don’t need to face them alone. As a parent, your role isn’t to prevent every setback, but to show through your words, actions, and habits that challenges are survivable and growth comes through resilience. When you model balance, persistence, and self-care, you give your student the tools to recover from burnout and thrive far beyond the classroom.
👉 If this resonates with you or your student, join us for our upcoming workshop: Prevent Academic Burnout: Strategies for Neurodivergent College Students.
Together, we’ll share practical tools for preventing burnout in school — and explore how these same strategies can carry forward into thriving, sustainable careers.